9 Simple Ways Aging Parents Could Use Your Help

It is a tough time in the life of aging parents when they need to start relying on their adult children for help. This is often because they are dealing with loss or illness, and find themselves no longer able to complete tasks that were once routine. For example, an elderly parent may have trouble getting up from a chair without assistance, or be unable to prepare meals for themselves.

But many times it is not just physical challenges that make it hard for your aging parents; there are emotional and mental issues as well. They may feel lonely or isolated if they can’t drive anymore, which means fewer opportunities to see friends. When you’re caring for an aging parent who’s struggling with any of these things–or all–it can be really difficult to decide how much help is needed, or when.

Here are nine ways you can show your parents that you care.

1. Be empathetic.

Empathy is the first step in being supportive of your aging parents, especially if they are dealing with loss or illness or just need help to complete tasks that were once routine, according to Dr. Audrey Nelson, author of “The Assisted Living Answer Book.” This will demonstrate that you are listening to what they have to say, which is often an important part of feeling understood when someone needs support. Even more importantly, it means you understand this is a distressing time for them and can offer ways to make things better.

For example: “I know taking on household responsibilities may be frustrating for you right now; I’m here until you feel more comfortable managing on your own.” Or “Losing your independence must be difficult for you; I’m here to help as much as you need.”

2. Think quality, not quantity.

In thinking about how supportive you can be of your aging parents, it’s important not to get overwhelmed. As Nelson says, “It’s easy to focus on a long list of all the things a parent needs help with, but this usually causes stress and anxiety – which actually makes us less effective helpers.” Focus instead on prioritizing what needs to be done first and then decide what is most reasonable for everyone involved. For example: going out for lunch together might feel good to them rather than having an argument about who will clean the kitchen floor today!

The five key areas of aging are financial (making safe and sound decisions, and managing money and investments) health (monitoring health status and getting medical care or supplies as needed), housing (dealing with things like upkeep on the house, move-in/move-outs, repairs), daily living (preparing meals, managing medications, completing routine household chores) and mobility (transportation to appointments, grocery store).

3. Be patient.

Navigating today’s labyrinthian elder care system can be really frustrating for an aging parent. For example: trying to find a new doctor who has time to talk through every concern; searching online for resources to help them live independently or pay for long-term care insurance, or struggling over who will ultimately make healthcare decisions should they become incapacitated. It’s important to be patient with your parents as they go through this process, knowing that it is likely causing them a great deal of stress. Offer to help them with their research, or take on some of the tasks yourself so they don’t feel overwhelmed.

4. Encourage them to stay social.

It can be easy for an aging parent to feel lonely or isolated if they can no longer drive and don’t have many friends in close proximity. This is why it’s important to encourage them to stay social, whether that means joining a book club, going for walks around the neighborhood, or attending church services or other events. If there’s something they’re interested in, do what you can to find related groups or activities in the community.

5. Help them stay mobile and independent.

One of the biggest fears for aging parents is losing their independence. This is why it’s so important to do what you can to help them stay mobile and able to do things on their own as long as possible. This might include things like helping them with grocery shopping, preparing meals, or cleaning the house. If they’re starting to have trouble getting around, see if there are any transportation services in your community that can help them get to appointments or run errands.

6. Give them space when they need it.

Not everyone needs help all the time, and your aging parents are no exception. Sometimes they just need some time alone to recharge. Respect when they want to be left alone and don’t take it personally; after all, this is a difficult time for them.

7. Be a listening ear.

One of the best things you can do for your aging parents is simply to listen to them. Allow them to talk about their fears and concerns, and offer support and advice when appropriate. Letting them know that you’re there for them can make a big difference in their day-to-day well-being.

8. Offer practical help.

Sometimes your aging parents just need some help with the more practical aspects of life. If they’re struggling to keep up with housework or laundry, offer to take on those tasks for them. If they’re having trouble managing their medications, see if you can help them keep track of when and how they should be taken. If they need a ride to the doctor’s office, offer to give them a lift.

9. Respect their wishes.

At the end of the day, your aging parents are still adults and should be treated as such. This means that you should respect their wishes even if you don’t always agree with them. If they’re not interested in talking about a certain issue, let it go. If they don’t want your help with something, back off. Trying to force your help or opinions on them will only make them feel more alienated and alone